July 2, 2015
Back in my early days of learning Somatic Experiencing, I was also just starting to help my own nervous system. During that time, I actually became more over-sensitive to sounds, light and crowds.
Which is why it seems like an odd choice that I went to Target – even on a weekday in the middle of the day.
I guess whatever I was looking for was important enough to go through the draining effects of being overstimulated, but by the time I reached the check-out line, my anxiety was up and my energy was dropping fast.
A few days later, on a phone call to my SE consultant, Twig Wheeler, I told what happened next.
“I was in the check out line, and I grabbed two chocolate bars, went out to my car and ATE THEM BOTH!”
I was horrified and convinced this was a sign that my nervous system was not healing in spite of my best efforts. Not sure what I expected Twig to say, but it wasn’t this:
“Thank goodness for chocolate!”
“Thank goodness for chocolate??!” I choked with laughter. Surely he must be joking. He wasn’t.
“For a while, your nervous system might need to do that,” he said, after my shock started to wear off.
Huh. As it turns out, my nervous system was using chocolate as a coping strategy when things felt too big to manage. It wasn’t my only coping strategy, but it was one I didn’t like because it was the most unhealthy one.
What Twig meant was, while my system is healing, I’ll still need these coping strategies until there is enough internal self-regulation that they are no longer needed.
That’s funny – it sounds a lot like what they say in addiction recovery: you can’t take away the things you’re doing to self-medicate until you find a healthier alternative, otherwise you’ll just replace them with another addiction.
The thing with recovery programs is they seem to only be talking about changing behaviors, healing psychological challenges and building healthier relationships – most of them miss the fact that it’s the internal regulation that’s not functioning properly. (Some of them might say it’s a chemical imbalance, but I believe it’s more than just chemicals.)
Fast forward several years to January 2015, where I remained firmly committed to my chocolate habit. I began seeing a Naturopath who wanted me to make some changes in my diet. She asked me to give up sugar for 30 days – in all forms, even simple carbs that turn into sugar quickly.
After some grumbling and resistance, I told her I needed to make sure I had other support for whatever would come up, because I believed I still needed sugar to help regulate. I was wrong.
She did give me supplements and homeopathic remedies. I got hints about eating regular protein so I wouldn’t crave sugar as much. What happened was a surprise.
It took about 30 days for my body to withdraw from the sugar. The first few days were the worst: headaches, brain fog and fatigue, but as I got further away from sugar, the less I wanted it. When I had cravings, I tracked my body and noticed waves of energy move through – but they weren’t too much, and when they passed, so did the craving!
It’s now been 6 months. I have reintroduced carbs, and sugar gets in through some processed foods, but no candy or desserts except the occasional birthday or celebration
. I’ve lost over 30 pounds and counting.
It turns out I no longer needed chocolate to regulate, and it was a matter of breaking the addiction. At that point, it wasn’t so hard to do, because there was enough regulation in my system to handle the fluctuations of activation without using that coping strategy.
This is not a diet post – it’s about how self-regulation changes things, and accepting that the coping strategies we have may stay around until something better is ready to happen. I know so many of us have tried to change aspects of ourselves, but if there is no underlying, internal support, it will be difficult or impossible to change. It’s demoralizing and painful to try and fail again and again, to give up, and to get judged and blamed by (self and) others.
My messages to you are these:
Best wishes on your healing journey,
Brandy
My naturopath: Dr. Fong in Mountain View, CA
Update: Twig saw my post and sent this along…he is awesome. Find him at www.liberationispossible.org.
Twig wrote: “Now that’s a crazy kind of courage that makes me jump for joy. Thanks Brandy!”
