I saw this picture of the warm and wonderful Mr. Rogers and got inspired today.
When you share your emotions with a trusted other, do they try to move you out of the emotion? Examples: cheer you up, talk about the problem, find a solution, or worse, ridicule you?
It’s helpful if you can let yourself have the feeling you’re having until it’s done. Often, intense emotions will come up, peak and start to feel better.
Side note: if emotions are too big, it’s better not to get overwhelmed by them, but if you can tell yourself the emotion will pass and avoid blocking it, it will most likely pass in a fairly short amount of time.
When the emotion has it’s time, then you might want to move to content (if there is content or a “something that happened”). It will be easier to deal with when the emotion is less.
It may be that when you start talking about the content, a new round of emotion comes up – this is fine, as long as it doesn’t get overwhelming. If it does, slow down, take some pauses and begin again when you’re ready.
Help your trusted other understand this process and tell him/her what you need.
It sometimes takes a lot of reminders to undo years of training in interrupting emotions.
Another good way to work with this process is when you’re on the other side of it. Can you be the person who holds space for a beloved other when they’re sad, hurt or angry? Do you feel pulled to jump in and fix or help? Notice that inner tension that wants to “do” and stay with it. Notice what happens when you give your compassionate attention to your friend without interrupting their process.
If it went well, they probably felt a whole lot better.
Questions to ponder:
- Which emotions are hardest for you to feel and express?
- Which emotions are hardest for you to accept in others?
- Is it easier or harder to be with your child’s emotions than your partner’s?
Let’s continue the discussion in the comments!
On a different note, I still owe you my part 2 about the healing process I use in my work, but as a stress expert, I have to follow my own advice and not force myself to write when I need to be recharging. Today I decided to follow my impulse to write about a different topic. Stay with me, we’ll get there….
